2013

One more year has passed, one more year has come...
Time for some big changes!

This year was hard. I've been dealing with the shadows of the past. I spent little time in present, just enjoying the moment, being here and now.
I spent way more money than I earned. I should work more... Continue what I do, find some enjoyable niche and fulfill my dream projects...
I spent way too much time dreaming and way too little time working on my dreams. I should make the things come true. It's a shame to waste time like I do.
I've been in love, I've been loved and I've loved. This is the most awesome feeling existing in this Universe.

I have like a million plans in my head...
To travel (many many many trips), to finally start the magazine project (this is the perfect time!), to study (again, some changes), to make friends (seriously, I believe there are some potential friends out there...), to be a good daughter/girlfriend/friend/sister, etc.
To LEARN. Lots of things fit in this short word.
To overcome my problems.
2013.

Let's get some Porto in Porto

Portuguese adventures in the land of wine...

That's how the world looks like when if you get too much cheap wine.

 The palm trees...

 Haunted witchcraft shops...

 The most disgusting ever sandwich that Portuguese call their "national dish"...

 My "tanned" legs :D

 Sunny sun...

  The traditional blue and white...

 Portuguese patriotism...

 Swimming...

 Wine tasting...

 The view after wine tasting :)

Life modeling

When you continue doing something for over three years, one day, you get this feeling that you want to try something new, you want to take a new step, open a new door in your "career".
So, this happened with my modeling career. I was photo modeling since three years now and a couple of days ago I took up life modeling, which is posing for the painters.
Literary it's not too complicated. You come to the artist's studio, bonjour/bonjour, take off your clothes, go on the posing table (sounds scary, but it's not) and just be beautiful/awesome/breathtaking/inspiring, etc.
The trickiest thing here is feeling comfortable with your own body. Since I have no problems with that, I'm doing a great job. At least the painter says so... :) And I'm glad.
He describes me as "the best model" he's ever had and says he could better draw me a million of times than work with boring/dull models.
Well... I feel honored :) He even canceled all of his other models for this week and we're meeting for painting sessions every day. It's almost like being employed. Did I mention I get payed for doing this?
He's planning to open an exhibition next spring in Paris. Wow, there'll be people coming there to see me naked in the paintings and say things like "Oh, just look at this amazing line..." or "The shadow in this one is just genius!" or "Wow, this is just so sensual...".
Lovely.

Help!

A year ago me and my depression made really good friends :) Yey!

However, I want to break up...

Being a poor student I can't really afford any professional help, so I just e-mailed all my problems to some International Counseling Center online which is supposed to help poor foreigners struggling with life in Paris FOR FREE. I love everything that's for free.

Here's my e-mail: (I just added some censorship cause you know, it's more or less a private thing...)

Hello,

I’m so happy I found this website.

It’s been * **** since I’m in ***** and it seems it’s all getting just ***** and *****…

It all started when I ***** this ***** ********* and suffered from ****** ***** for ***** months, till finally I managed to ******, then found out I was ******** and had an ********. The decision about ******** was the hardest one ever in my life and I can’t stop ****** ****** ***** it. Since then I just can’t find ******** in my **** again. Even though I’m now with ******* *********, who I **** very much and he ***** me too, I keep on ****** every day, I ****** from **** ******* every few hours, I have **********. I became very ******** and find ************* very difficult for me. It has never been like this before. I would **** ******* easily, but now it’s been a year since I ***** **** only ******, speaking only to my *********. I never ** ***, I never **** ******. I feel a huge lack of *************. It drives me crazy. In the **** I feel like in a ******, but at the same time I don’t want ** ***. Especially if I’ve been ****** all day beforehand. Another difficulty is that I don’t ***** ******. I mean, I know ******* and basic ************ but I just can’t get started. Everything that’s ****** remind me of *** ******** (the **** *********, ***** and finally ********). I’m kinda afraid of ***** now, so I try to ***** them. I also have these **** ******* ****** when I get **********, ***, *****, sometimes ***** ****** **** and so on. Another problem is my ****** of ******** on *****. This makes my ***** **** very complicated, especially ******** for a *** (where you need to make ***** **********), calling *********** for a ***** of ******. I don’t even **** with my ****** on *****. And finally, I don’t know if that’s a serious issue, but whenever I **** that everything’s *********** I just *** ******** ******* of ******, *********, ********, etc. Afterwards this makes me **** even *****, but I ****** it ***** and *****. All in all, I just don’t feel there’s *** ***** in ** ****…

Thank you in advance!

Girls

These days I'm pretty depressed. My mood changes every five minutes (PMS).
One of the reasons is that I've just finished watching the most awesome TV show ever ever ever created on this Earth. It's called "Girls".
So, there're these four 20 something girls living in New York. Sounds cheesy and banal, but IT ISN'T.
This is nothing like Sex and the City or any other TV shows cause it does really reflect the reality. I mean, you can really identify yourself in the characters, cause they are humans: no dream careers, no successful marriages, no money wasting, fashion shows, not even cars.

Let's start with Hannah. She's an aspiring writer (bingo! I want to write too), in her early twenties (bingo! I'm almost twenty one), chubby, has several big tattoos symbolizing some fairy tales or whatever, has the weirdest boyfriend ever (bingo! How many weirdos do I know?) and is extremely submissive when it comes to bed (bingo! no comments). By the way, she has this familiar feeling about "being able to change the world".

The second one is Marnie, the beautiful one. The perfect girl. She breaks up after four years long relationship with the cutest and the most caring guy ever. She looks perfect when brushing teeth, when laughing, when shouting, when having sex, when sleeping, when partying... Despite her high class behavior she manages to spice up her life from time to time and she knows what adventures mean (bingo! I know how to get into adventures).

Then comes Shoshana. The frightened one. A twenty something years old virgin who's afraid of staying in one room with a male. Despite being afraid, she wants to go for it. The problem is finding a guy who would take such a unique opportunity.

My favorite one - Jessa! The blonde one... And her lovely British accent! She's a free spirit (bingo!). Vintage clothes, vegetarian food (bingo!), traveling around the world (bingo!), having regular one night stands (hmm..!), seducing old dads from the families to whom she babysits (hmmm..!), having abortion and living afterwards (hmmmm!). She was my inspiration for starting babysitting, now she's my inspiration for going vintage shopping and she's my inspiration to start taking better care of my hair and she's my inspiration to improve my English, especially the accent.

Seriously, it's the most AWESOME TV show ever.
I'm not putting pressure on you, but you know, if you ever have a free minute... :)

Job interview

So, yesterday I had a job interview...
No, it's not an amazing offer from the top Parisian fashion magazine.
No, not a bilingual receptionist in a five-star hotel.
No, not even a waitress in a local bar.
Not even McDonald's.

Babysitting!
Yes, there comes a moment in a female's life when your instincts wake up and you realize that you want to take care of children BUT not your own children yet. And there comes the solution :)

A photo from a horror movie "The shining". Aren't they lovely? :D

The interview went quite well. The family was lovely and the kids were adorable. I feel bad that I didn't manage to memorize their names and I have to go on calling them "a girl" and "a boy" or just "kids". They both have the cutest English and French accents (and they are more fluent then me, in both languages). The girl has recently started dancing, so we have lots of things to discuss and the boy has an unexplained wish to constantly beat his sister, but we will find ways how to deal with that.

Now I hope that they liked me as much as I did like them and I'm waiting for my first real babysitting experience.

Bastille Day

14th July is a VERY big day here, in France.
(For more information check Wikipedia here ).
Since last year I completely failed with the celebration...

Here's a brief summary of the 14th July, 2011:

A long and hard day at work, Disneyland. Selling popcorns, ice cream, sodas... The sun's burning, there's like a million of people. After work I go to change and meet my ex-boyfriend. He complains about me being late and blah blah. We arrive late for the fireworks. I'm annoyed, he's annoyed, we have a beer and go home. Still angry at each other. The next morning work again.


... this year I wanted to succeed!
By succeed I mean at least to get to see the famous fireworks next to the Eiffel.
So, I woke up pretty early in the morning because of my boyfriend's extraordinary work schedule where he has to work when nobody else in the whole France (63 460 000 people) work. After he left I did nothing... nothing... nothing till 8 in the evening. Then he came back home with another friend and they both took me to the center. The train broke down on the way, the next one was so crowded that we felt like sardines in the tin. Fortunately, we reached the destination and following the crowd we arrived at the Champs de Mars. There we succeeded to cheat the police saying we didn't have any alcohol (lol, we had a bottle of wine and a beer! So naughty). Then we waited for over two hours. And then the show started.

It was  B R E A T H T A K I N G !!!

However, the MOST literally breathtaking thing was getting home. You should have seen the crowds... At some moments I thought I was going to die, or at least to faint, cause having no air in the train IS an extreme case. It took several hours, but finally, luckily and fortunately I was home, in my bed, under my warm and cozy sheets having some sweet sweet dreams...